Choke on It Jerry Reinsdorf!

Choke on It Jerry Reinsdorf!

Tonight, the Minnesota Twins are about to clinch their third consecutive AL Central division championship. The problem, for me is that I’ve been rooting for the White Sox for decades. I’m a third generation Sox fan – which is more of a character building experience than anything else. Unfortunately for me, the Sox are owned by an evil, heartless man by the name of Jerry Reinsdorf. Jerry Reinsdorf, I hate you. It’s because of your poor management and direction that I now enter fan free agency. I’m not sure who I’ll root for, but I do know that I’m rooting for you to have painful ailments for the rest of the years that you wander the earth. Bill Veeck made baseball fun and put a winning team on the field, Reinsdorf has underachieving toadies like Ken Williams make horrible personnel decisions. Carl Everett sucked before, what would make him better this season?

I have this recurring fantasy/day dream about your demise, Jerry. It started out simply that the trash father and son crew from Alsip sucker you and not Royals coach Tom Gamboa. That lets you off to easily, you bastard. This one takes a turn more deserving of your profound underachievement with the White Sox. Like in the movie “Hannibal” where Dr. Lecter (and upstanding citizen compared to Reinsdorf) feeds Paul his own brain, I have a vision of Bill Veeck feeding you your own brain. Of course, Veeck has discounted tickets for the kids (start thinking about being fan friendly, you dick). Next to you and a gleeful Veeck, is Eddie Gaedel, swinging his midget arms wildly, beating the hell out of Ken Williams with Veeck’s peg leg (Veeck always loved a show – see, fan friendly; you god-damned bastard). The music for this is provided by the lovely Nancy Faust as she plays the organ to “nah, nah, nah, nah, goodbye!” Nellie Fox, Carlton Fisk, and my grandfather are drinking beers and further enjoying the festivities (they hate you, they hate you. They hate you so much so that they are not grossed out by your exposed gray matter being served up like it’s Benihana). The exploding scoreboard (another Veeck innovation – think about some innovations, you worthless son of a bitch) is adding to this celebratory gathering. Finally, Mike Veeck provides the encore to Disco Demoliton Night, only now it is Former-Mouseketeer-Turned-Evil-Pop-Star Demolition night (I’d like to think that I could blame Brittney Spears on you, but that’s too much, even for you, you vile sack of feces). Finally, I imagine that Jerry Dybzinski doesn’t overrun second base forcing Vance Law into a futile rundown to end the great season for the ’83 Sox.

Damn you, Jerry Reinsdorf!! Damn you.