Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Tuesday Night Humor

Dubya's at it again ...

Bush Cancels Agreement Between Nouns and Verbs

(AP) President George W. Bush announced the first major initiative of his second term in office today, canceling the agreement between nouns and verbs. The president, who had been widely expected to announce a series of faith-based initiatives, surprised Washington insiders by kicking off his second term with a grammar-based one.

Mr. Bush left little doubt that he intended to consign the agreement between nouns and verbs to the dustbin of history, telling reporters, "I has a mandate, and I intends to use it."

In world capitals, heads of state responded with a mixture of shock and dismay to the president's decision to back out of the noun-verb agreement, long considered a cornerstone of human communication.

"It was one thing to back out of the Kyoto Protocol and the Geneva Conventions, but if Mr. Bush intends to break the agreement between nouns and verbs he is going it alone," said French president Jacques Chirac. But President Bush was quick to correct Mr. Chirac, responding, "I think what my good friend Jacques Chirac means is, I 'are' going it alone."

The president noted that his proposal had received a vote of confidence from British Prime Minister Tony Blair, who earlier in the day said, "He have my full support." Mr. Bush went on to announce a series of other bold initiatives, such as imposing a moratorium on complete sentences and eliminating the letter "g" from the end of most words.

Elsewhere, the Pentagon announced that U.S. fighter jets missed a target in southern Iraq today, strafing a middle school in New Jersey.

(Thanks to Carole for passing this along.)