Mommy Madness

I've only just had time to take a look at the latest issue of Newsweek, and the cover story this week is must-read material. The main article is an excerpt of Judith Warner's new book Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, where Warner addresses the perfect mother ideal in blessedly political terms:

Most of us in this generation grew up believing that we had fantastic, unlimited, freedom of choice. Yet as mothers many women face "choices" on the order of: You can continue to pursue your professional dreams at the cost of abandoning your children to long hours of inadequate child care. Or: You can stay at home with your baby and live in a state of virtual, crazy-making isolation because you can't afford a nanny, because there is no such thing as part-time day care, and because your husband doesn't come home until 8:30 at night.

These are choices that don't feel like choices at all. They are the harsh realities of family life in a culture that has no structures in place to allow women—and men—to balance work and child-rearing. But most women in our generation don't think to look beyond themselves at the constraints that keep them from being able to make real choices as mothers. It almost never occurs to them that they can use the muscle of their superb education or their collective voice to change or rearrange their social support system. They simply don't have the political reflex—or the vocabulary—to think of things in this way.

Warner is calling out a growing cultural phenomenon, and one that can't be fixed with time management strategies or better parenting skills. It's a social issue that demands social fixes: tax incentives, national child-care standards, and government subsidized part-time daycare are among the solutions Warner suggests. Reading the excerpt, I felt a mix of emotions: deep anger that we're still dealing with this shit, anxiety about my own parenting skills (when I eventually have children), and profound relief that someone is finally talking about it. I plan on making copies for every mother I know. The same issue also offers Anna Quindlen's perspective on mothering, and an (unfortunately named) profile of a "Slacker Mom." If you have young children or know someone who does, you owe it to yourself to check this out.