Monday Morning Mamet

The American Conservatory Theatre in San Francisco recently hosted a "Write Like Mamet" contest, in which nearly 100 playwrights participated. My theatre company is about to produce Mamet's Oleanna, so I've got Mamet on the brain right now, and some of these spoofs are just hilarious. Here's an excerpt from my favorite:

"MAMLET"
By Nihar Patel (Los Angeles)

An empty stage. All performers are dressed in modern business suits.

CLAUDIUS (Ricky Jay) You are a gentlemenly fool. And you haven't closed a castle in months. You're old hat, and that comes from downtown.

MAMLET (William H. Macy) Old hat? Old hat. Let's wait Claudius. Claudius, wait, back up here ... I can close, all I need are those Elsinore leads. I want them and I want them posthaste.

CLAUDIUS Go to Norway Mamlet. Will you.

MAMLET Give me two good leads. Anon.

CLAUDIUS Just go to Norway.

MAMLET I don't want to go to Norway.

CLAUDIUS Go to Norway, Mamlet.

MAMLET Where does he get off to talk that way to a Prince? It's not ...

CLAUDIUS Will you get out of here. Will you get out of here. Will you. I'm trying to run a kingdom here. Will you go to Norway? Go to Norway. Will you go to Norway?

MAMLET You stupid [expletive] [expletive].

Mamlet stabs Claudius.

More.