A rose by any other name ...

Lauren at Feministe links to Volokh's request for feminists who changed their name upon getting married to explain the choice. The responses mostly fall into three camps: 1) I hated my last name and liked my husband's, so I changed to his, 2) I didn't really care either way, but my husband/husband's family did, so I changed, or 3) It's too much trouble/too weird for the kids if the parents have different last names.

Now, reason one I have no quarrel with. If you hate your last name for whatever reason, and like your husband's better, then more power to you. But reasons two and three are a little harder for me to understand. Lauren (who's single), says the jury is still out for her but she doesn't think it's that pressing an issue from a feminist perspective. I have to respectfully disagree with that; at least in the Midwest (and, I think, in the south) it's still a surprisingly radical choice not to change your name when you get married.

When my husband and I got engaged, the name-change was one of the very first discussions we had. I've always been adamant about not changing my last name - first (pettishly) because none of my married college friends kept their names after swearing in school that they'd never change them. And second because it gets on my last nerve that there's still a heavy presumption that the woman will take the man's name. Really: it just makes me nuts! Having said that, I do understand the pleasure of sharing a last name with one's spouse and children. My husband and I resolved the issue by having him take my last name - the best wedding present I could have gotten. What's funny to me is how big a deal this is for most people. It doesn't come up a lot - most people assume that our last name was originally his - but when it does come up, the reaction is almost universally positive from women ("wow, that's so cool!"), and uncomfortable from men ("oh ... you did?"). So I guess what I wanna know is - why aren't more (hetero) couples choosing the woman's last name? Those of you who are married - did this come up? Were both partner's names up for grabs? If not, why not?