OK, I need to learn to be a master programmer, STAT

Because I wanna work for Google. Yeah, I know they currently appear to be engaged in a plot to take over the world and all, but come on: not only is their corporate motto "don't be evil" (take that, Microsoft!), but check out the perks of working there (the NYT, via Broadsheet):

Meals of all kinds, painstakingly prepared by company chefs, are free at the company's headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., a modern corporate campus known as the Googleplex. Other amenities there include children's day care, doctors, dry cleaning, laundry, a gym, and basketball and volleyball courts. Maternity or paternity leave is 12 weeks at 75 percent of full pay. There is also up to $500 available for takeout meals for the entire family after a newborn arrives, courtesy of Google. Shuttle buses (with wireless Internet access for working while commuting) ferry employees to the Googleplex from throughout the Bay area.

And the big perk: the company's engineers are given 20 percent of their time to pursue their own ideas instead of company assignments.

Jesus. It's like a miniature Sweden over there. Not to mention the fairly awesome stock options and retirement plans that are extended to all employees. But what really got me was this bit, about an employee who recently left Dreamworks for Google: "In previous jobs, Mr. Rademacher rarely thought beyond a year or two, but he said he could see himself staying at Google for a long time. 'If you really feel that you're part of the larger effort, that you have both opportunity and ownership, loyalty does follow,' he said." Well, fucking YEAH. When will the rest of corporate America wake up and recognize that if they're really interested in employee loyalty and productivity, the surest way to get it is to treat them like human beings instead of corporate drones? I know not every business can afford the kind of perks Google provides, but I think it's the attitude behind the perks that's telling. Now, who wants to teach me Linux?