Monday, January 09, 2006

Matt’s Monday Rant: Entertainment Tonight Sucks

I sat through an episode of Entertainment Tonight this evening. My god does that show SUCK! I thought that it used to be freaks like John Tesh and Leonard Maltin who delivered milk toast reviews of mainstream media…oh wait there was always Mary Hart’s legs. Well, she’s still there and another cast of characters who keep giving us the entertainment news we "need to know." Mary Hart is still there, and there’s Jann Carl’s mole and Mark "I’m like Tom Cruise" Steines and Steven Cojocaru’s bum kidney. With all of these gushing media whores, there’s only there’s about five minutes (of the 22 minutes) devoted to telling entertainment news. The rest of the show is a tease for some story coming up in the next fifteen or twenty minutes. I sat through three commercial breaks (I know that’s what they want me to do) waiting to see the answer to the "tease" who is Heather Graham’s new boyfriend. Before each break, we would find out "next on ET." The picture with each tease was a picture of nearly naked dude, but the face was never shown. The intrigue. The fuckin' intrigue, YO. I had to wait and find out. When they finally got to the "story," it was not Heather Graham’s boyfriend. It was an actor who plays the role of the love interest on Heather Graham’s new show "Emily’s Reasons Why Not." Well, the pictures were of actor Victor Webster and the pictures were from a few years ago. WTF?!? So the pictures were of Victor Webster (when he was young and needed the money) who plays Stan. Stan is the love interest of Emily. This type of loose journalism should only be acceptable as irony and satire on The Daily Show or the Colbert Report. The blurring of the lines between fact and fiction, character and actor, recent photo shoots or past trips to Glamour Shots seems unethical. The show’s content is already fluff, but holy cow this seems geared to make the dumb dumber and remove critical thinking.

Next on ET, the clock strikes thirteen, but first we catch up with David Copperfield to see how he made love disappear (cut to picture of Claudia Schiffer’s cleavage) and Vanessa Minillo in TB suit to show how the world discriminates against people with consumption (cut to video of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in a half-naked danceoff against Britney Spears & K-Fed). Jesus wept...because the prices are so fucking low at Wal-Mart!! Seacrest out.