Dis Kinda Ding Jus Makes Me So Mat I Could Spit, Eh?

Dismaying news from the Chronicle of Higher Education:

A committee of the Minnesota Legislature heard testimony this month on a bill that would require public colleges to establish hiring guidelines for professors who have heavy accents that students may have a hard time understanding. A bill sponsored by Rep. Bud Heidgerken, a Republican, asks the Board of Trustees of the Minnesota State Colleges and Universities System and the Board of Regents of the University of Minnesota system to adopt a policy requiring clear English pronunciation as a condition of jobs teaching undergraduates (The News Blog, March 13; The Chronicle, April 8, 2005).

This kinda thing is so wrong-headed, it's hard to know where to start. Learning to understand people who don't speak like your mom and dad is part of a college education, for crissakes! Just who gets to determine "heavy accents"? I'm so white I'm almost clear, and I've had Asian and Asian-American undergrads ask me to speak more clearly on account of the occasional Yooperism ("boot" for "boat" or "crick" for "creek"). I've never taken offense, or assumed that therefore a Chinese speaker shouldn't be allowed to teach your average Prior Lake grad. And what the hell would this rule do to language instruction? Most native speakers I've encountered as a student and colleague have had pretty thick accents - which only indicates their qualification for teaching their subjects. Gawd. It's 2006, but it feels more and more like 1910 every day.

(More on Rep. Heidgerken.)