Eat Cheap - If You're Poor

Some of those crazy socially-conscious Carletonians are having a bake sale in the student center today. They've set the prices according to the relative earnings of various ethnoracial groups and genders:

white male $1.00
black male 78¢
Asian male $1.05
Hispanic male 63¢

white female 72¢
black female 65¢
Asian female 80¢
Hispanic female 53¢

This is genius! No, not for the bleeding-heart reason that income inequality is a plague upon America. Give me a break. The poor will always be with us; we just need to make sure they don't get uppity.

No, I think this is genius because it's the kernel of a great new pricing system for everyone! No, not some pinko "to each according to his need" arrangement - the reverse! If I, as an overeducated white male, age 30-35, had to pay only, say, 53 cents for a cookie, then I'd have 47 cents in each dollar to invest in a company which could create jobs for Hispnic women who could then learn the value of budgeting by paying a dollar for the equivalent cookie. Maybe I'd even buy two cookies, saving one to sell later for a buck! This would be great. All we need to really implement this system would be ID cards with all kinds of demographic data like race, gender, and income; swiping them at Cub or Caribou or wherever would automatically reset the price according to one's means. I'm sure the NSA can help us out. Karl Rove, are you listening? I think I have an issue that the GOP can win with in November - at least with Those of Us who Matter.