Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Office Absurdity

As I'm getting ready to leave the Pseudonymous Organization, I've begun to clean out my cube (it's not a personal productivity pod, it's a cube). From one drawer of my desk I find things like toothbrushes and dental floss (from the afternoon visits to the dentist), a wooden ruler (why does everyone in this company get a wooden ruler?), packets of ketchup (?) and business cards from one of our creepy associates (CA). Is he really creep? I don't know. To be fair, I haven't spoken with CA, but he would post strange things on the classifieds of our intranet. Things that gave a Silence of the Lambs - Buffalo Bill vibe. For example, CA posted that he was looking for a companion to go to the boundary waters and canoe and that he'd provide the canoe and the paddles; or that he had a gently used refrigerator in his basement and that it was free to anyone that would stop by to pick it up. After that, each one of his posts looking for enthusiasts or friends would, in my mind, end with a WHACK to the head and a victim in basement dungeon.

I sent an email to some former PO workers about the contents of my desk and what type of classified ad I could put on our intranet to get the CA vibe.

Jason wins with this response:
"Casual enthusiast looking for a partner to measure and swallow hotdogs with, minimal plaque a positive. Ketchup and dental floss provided."

Christopher's response is also worth sharing:
"That's horrifying. And not least because he insinuates it's okay to put ketchup on hot dogs." Christopher maintains his Chicago Dog street cred.

I wonder how long it will take to get my head straight after six years of sailing the seas of absurdity. Like Odysseus, I fear the gods will find me unfit to return and blow me back out to sea.