Hilton Jail

I gotta think her dad slaps his forehead whenever things like this happen - thankfully, only on days ending in Y. From the Superficial:

The Los Angeles City Attorney filed a motion yesterday demanding a hearing before Judge Michael Sauer to determine why the Sheriff's Department allowed Paris Hilton to get out of jail when the judge had expressly ordered her to serve out her entire sentence. Paris was scheduled to appear in court today at 9 AM, but, of course, has been allowed to appear via phone instead. TMZ reports that at this moment there's a war going on in the courtroom between Paris' lawyer, the City Attorney, and the Sheriff's Dept.

And in case you were wondering, this is what it looks like outside Paris Hilton's home right now. There's at least five news choppers circling and an armada of paparazzi on the street. Because, really, this is the most important thing that has ever happened in the history of time. George Washington could come back from the dead and he'd just end up getting trampled to death by all the news people trying to get to Paris' house.

UPDATE: Judge Michael T. Sauer has ordered that Paris Hilton appear in person for the hearing and has sent a Los Angeles County Sheriff's vehicle to pick her up.

LATER UPDATE, also from the Superficial:

Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail in Lynwood and will serve out her 23 day sentence with a credit for the 5 days she's already served. Reporters say she was crying through the entire process and, when Judge Michael Sauer gave his decision, she let out a huge cry and said, "This isn't right." She was then physically dragged out of the courtroom by a female deputy, in tears, screaming, "Mom, Mom, Mom." Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants. NOTE: I officially nominate Judge Michael Sauer for President of the Entire Universe.

I am ashamed to have spent so much time tracking this story today.