One of the great things about the Internet is finding great sites that you've never seen before, and then having the pleasure of reading all the previous posts. Case in point, the blog "A Play A Day," written by Brendon Etter, a member of the staff down here at Carleton. He's done writing a play a day, and on to great lists like this one:
Important Reasons Why You Must Stop Having Sex Right Now1. Scientists have linked sex with children. You must stop linking sex with children, pervert.Or this one:
2. A customer just walked in the front door of the bakery.
3. You can only remain underwater for a few seconds at a time.
4. The director said "cut."
5. Just like epilepsy and paranoid schizophrenia, it may lead to frighteningly uncontrolled muscle spasms and vocalizations.
6. Because chances are good your cellmate is not truly your soulmate.
7. He only paid for a twenty-minute session.
8. Need to reframe the shot and make sure the flash is on.
9. Ran out of batteries.
10. Must get in line for holy communion.
11. Your "girlfriend" popped.
12. May cause an outbreak of painful childbirth in men and women everywhere.
13. Excessive blistering.
14. While the third time's the charm, the three hundred and thirty-third is somewhat less so.
15. If you stop now, you may still be a semi-virgin.
16. Because that's not what the zoo needs volunteers for.
Evidence That My Computer Is Having An Affair
1. Sometimes it carries out millions of my calculations every second like it would really rather be somewhere else carrying out millions of more exciting calculations every second.
2. It remembered my birthday, but only after I put the date into its calendar application like fifty times.
3. Frequently complains to me that it wants to abort functions... our living, breathing, unexecuted functions!
4. Mysterious processor log entries documenting data uploads and downloads that I know aren't mine.
5. Newly apathetic performance on programs that we used to love to operate together.
6. It swears it's just the cooling fan kicking in, but I can tell that it's sighing.
7. My hard drive feels like it's being read in a cold, perfunctory, almost-automated fashion.
8. After returning home unexpectedly early from a business trip, I found it, somehow, had already been turned on.
9. Screen saver seems like it's over-compensating.
10. I'm finding new bookmarks in my browser linking to articles about the benefits of being in an "open source" programming relationship.
11. When I select "shut down", it happens immediately, but, sometimes, when I select "restart", it pauses as if weighing its options.
12. Seems like it wants nothing to do with my flash drive any more.