Radiohead Shocker

LONDON -- As Radiohead celebrated the news that In Rainbows went platinum in just three days, the oft-proclaimed "world's greatest band" was today rocked when its reclusive and little-used sixth member, singer-guitarist Lee Greenwood, announced that he would leave the band.

Holding an impromptu press conference just outside the security barriers at Heathrow, where he was catching a flight back to the “U.S. of A.,” Greenwood read from a prepared statement. "I love my brothers Jonny and Colin, but I was getting sick of their constant promises to put ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ on the next album, and then never delivering. I even remixed the song with some of the e-lec-tronic stuff that Thom likes so much, but they still refused to put it on the Over the Rainbows [sic]. Something about 10 tracks on 10/10 or something. I wish Thom, Colin, Jonny, Ed, and Phil all the best, but frankly I am happy to finally strike out on my own and look forward to playing for audiences around the world.”

Folding the statement and picking up his guitar case, Greenwood added, “I hope this doesn't surprise too many fans, but it's been a long time comin'. I mean, you have to listen to OK Computer pretty hard to hear my vocals or strummin’. It's there, especially on ‘Lucky,’ but pretty deep in the mix, and I think it’s time for my voice to be up front and center. Plus, I have a line on a good tour of casinos in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Montana. When is Radiohead going to tour?”

The members of Radiohead could not be reached for comment.