Oracle of Starbucks

According to the infalliable Oracle of Starbucks, my order - a grande americano - makes me an

Asshat
You carry around philosophy books you haven't read and wear trendy wire-rimmed glasses even though you have perfect vision. You've probably added an accent to your name or changed the pronunciation to seem sophisticated. You hang out in coffee shops because you don't have a job because you got your degree in French Poetry. People who drink grande americano are notorious for spouting off angry, liberal opinions about issues they don't understand.

Also drinks: Any drink with a foreign name
Can also be found at: The other, locally owned coffee shop you claim to like better

This seems unnecessarily harsh but largely accurate. (I prefer history to philosophy, and I overcome my ocular shortcomings with contact lenses.)