I can't believe these people get paid.

Over the past week I've seen two horrible commercials: one for Miller and one for Subway. As many of you may know I'm (1) a pop culture junkie, (2) a cynic, and (3) working on building my own communication and brand identity company. So, my rant on commercials may seem predictable, I'll give you that. However, these things are especially awful. Not in the typical beer commercial way that is well spoofed by The Simpsons with Duff Beer, but in a way that seems like it is designed to turn away customers. How can ad firms live with themselves and why do companies continue to spend millions on these asshat firms?

Let's start with Miller
This is the commercial where an adult male is having lunch at a diner with his mother. A fry cook sits down and it turns out that this far-from-aspirational-characterization-of-an-uber-father is the dude's dad. The dude, a Bud drinker, is cool with this news and welcomes the dad into the fold. The Bill-esque (Mickey Rooney character from the 1981 made for TV movie) says Miller has more taste than Bud, or that it?s better, or some shit like that -- Who the fuck cares!?!. Some Corky working in a diner breaks the news to him that his beer has less flavor. So, Miller and their agency approved this commercial? WTF people?!?! You're saying those that are knowledgeable about your product are dads that shirk their responsibility and in their late fifties have only made it to fry cook at a diner? How is that going to sell more beer. What's your new tagline? Given up on life, it's Miller time.

Subway Congressional Hearings
This one has America's favorite loser (get it, I'm talking about Jarrod? He lost a lot of weight. I'm ready to write headlines for the AP.) is at a congressional type of hearing. In the lower right corner of the screen there is a large logo for a fictional cable network. While I think they're spoofing C-SPAN, with what should be Subway-CAM, the letters read "S-CAM." Do you really want SCAM in front of your audience when you are talking about your product and you're referencing this dude's freakish weight loss? Now, America is thinking SCAM when they see this pitchman. So, some Photoshop phun and bingo!!! We can scam anyone into believing he lost weight. Again, how do these things get approved?

Well, I'm off to talk to my illegitimate son over a Miller, dear God I hope he drinks Miller, and a fantastic sub sandwich. I need to drop about 230 pounds.