Feeding Tubes Were Attacked Today

March 24, 2005 – Washington, D.C. When asked for comment regarding the Schiavo case, George Bush claimed that “feeding tubes were attacked today…and feeding tubes will be defended.” The president went on to say that he has it “on good authority that Ruth Gadesberg (sic? We think he was referring to Ruth Bader Ginsburg) has WMDs and they are hidden in every robe and every chamber of the supreme court” and “defending feeding tubes is not a complex issue.” Unfortunately, President Bush could not find firefighters sustained by feeding tubes to raise a flag behind him. John Kerry, junior senator from Oblivion, said simply “this country gets what it deserves…and oh yeah, suck on it Ohio!” Shock and awe indeed.