The Numbers. They're all fucked up.

I thought it might be worth sharing a running A.S.S. joke with all of you. Feel free to try this one where you live and work. Last summer, upon seeing some poor cubicle jockey schmo trying to slink out of work early, we discussed what we could say to him to make him scurry back to work. Remember, we don't know who this person is, but the burned-out-cubicle-jockey personae is really the archetype of defeat - so we kind of know him on some level. The result of the brief conversation was telling this person, telling anyone during business hours that their boss is looking for them because "the numbers - they're all fucked up." This further evolved into customizing for our own company. For this post, I'll use Smith instead of the CEO's real name. If you see someone from work shopping at downtown store (or any location near your place of employment; where the individual is seeking some solace away from their grey productivity pods), run up to them and act like you're out of breath (you've been searching vigorously for this person, on behalf of the corporation) and say "Oh, man everyone's looking for you. Smith's on a tirade. It's the numbers, man. The numbers are all fucked up! You better get back to the office." Or catch someone coming into the office a bit late, "Jesus, don't you check your email?!? Smith is looking for you. The numbers are all fucked up." That will make someone's heart skip a beat. You can further embellish by telling the person that you're "not taking the fall for this one" and storm off to the mail room.

If most organizations are like ours, there will be this addiction to numbers and reports, yet sadly, very few in the organization know if the numbers are reliable, valid, good or bad. Mmm numbers, more numbers -- I like reports. Mmm... can't manage what you can't measure. That's good advice, but frankly you fucktards have no idea of what you're measuring, how to operationalize it, or if what you're looking at is a dependent or independent variable. That's why I think that "the numbers" joke can work with most people here. Unless it's Dubbya and the pet goat book on September 11, you should get some type of stir out of that person.

What other business/organization archetype pranks do you have?