Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Hump Day Top 5 List

He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake

Admit it, those are some fairly creepy lyrics. I loooooooooove Santa Claus, and believed in him without reservation until my mother mistakenly blew his cover when I was about 7 years old. (True story of a nerd in action: in 2nd grade, in late December, when my teacher briefly left the room one day, I suggested to my ENTIRE CLASS that we pretend Santa had come to visit us while she was away. Yeah. That went over like a ton of bricks.) But I’ve always thought it was weird how Santa seems to be used as much to threaten kids as to entice them. Anyway, I say phooey to the threat: I know y’all have all been good kids this year. So let’s imagine there really IS a Santa, and you get 5 wishes for Xmas this year. While we’re at it, we’ll embrace Santa’s pagan roots and extend the 5 wishes to folks from all faiths and creeds. Don’t go all Miss America on me, either – I don’t want to see any wishes for world peace or crap like that. Go hedonistic! Ask for what you really want! Here’s my list:

1. A week-long vacation for 2 at some high-end beach resort, with everything, including daily massages, covered.

2. A four bedroom, arts-and-crafts style house in Southwest Minneapolis.

3. A new Powerbook, fully loaded.

4. A green or orange Honda Element, also fully loaded.

5. A 50 inch plasma screen HDTV, to go in the basement den of my new house. Oh, the movie parties!

Yeah, that would make for a pretty damn happy Xmas morning, I think. What’s on your list?