The Foley Folly Continues To Amaze (and confuse me)

The more this continues, the more the GOP looks like shysters worried more about their positions of power than the well-being of those they’re elected to serve. From the early Fox News mislabeling of Foley as a Democrat, the potential cover-ups for partisan purposes, and the victim claims (through a lawyer, none the less) are taking away many traditional and recent GOP issues. Let’s just take a brief look at some of these problems.

1. Fox lacking fact checking or the ability to know if a Republican is really a Republican.
2. Homosexuality. It’s not just for Democrats anymore.
3. Victim. We need harsher punishment for criminals, right? We can’t listen to victimesque excuses if we’re going to keep our children safe.
4. Safety generally, kids' safety specifically. I suppose Foley was introducing pages to the ancient Greek version of no child left behind. The Daily Show can return to their labeling of every acronym as NAMBLA.
5. Scandal. Hastert may be fessing up, but these folks are supposed to "own" morals when it comes to erections, ...er elections – it’s a GOP burrito – lots of Jesus beans and fried chickenhawks wrapped in an Old Glory tortilla. Mmm America. There’s no scandal worse than a sex scandal. The GOP was up in arms with Bill was getting serviced by Monica when she was a consenting adult. What happens when there’s a cover-up to protect a potential predator?
6. What would Jesus do? Ask Tom “The Hammer” Delay about how God and money sustain him through scandal.
7. HAVA and other Florida BS. So, the cloak of helping folks in Florida vote may jump up and bite the GOP after all. The slow efforts to convert/upgrade voting procedures and tools may leave Foley on the ballot (AS A REPUBLICAN, FOX!!!). Jeb, can you help your brother out again? He seems to be keeping the wrong company.

Have safety and morality now become non-issueS? If it was really important a few weeks ago, it should still be important in November. When it comes to moral and ethical capital, it seems our GOP leaders are bankrupt. I dare say they don’t have a collective leg to stand upon in November. At least we got Iraq on its feet… oh wait. Well, we did get Osama… oh, check that. We know that FEMA and Homeland Security are an overwhelming success… What? You’re kidding, New Orleans hasn’t been rebuilt? I saw the MNF game, the Superdome rocked out. Ok, well, we’re putting the right people in charge in DC.

The good news for the GOP is this issue makes us forget about Iraq. I offer up this kernel of a post-modern Modest Proposal with a GOP twist. You start with young kids, and they’re all here because all children are precious (read no abortions). You give them standardized tests that are geared to dumb-down, rather help all succeed. If they get too smart, they'll ask questions on why our health coverage matches that of third-world countries. Don't ask questions. Shut up and watch Barney and let me know of Tinky Winky does something to Mr. Pinky. Now, you have kids are a bit soft mentally and physically – admit it PE requirements aren’t what they used to be, the kids are a lot easier to prey upon. “Hey don’t runaway, I’ll tell you about them rabbits.” The best place to do it (and by it that means IMing and more), the nation’s capitol, of course. Now, like Menudo, we have to do something with these boys as they get older. At the same time, we have IEDs going off in Iraq. Put two and two together and BINGO!!! – a solution for the bodies, I mean boys. We send them to absorb IEDs in the name of democracy. Hey kid, stop crying and stand here. The piercing’s free.