Thursday, February 01, 2007

Bears 21, Colts 2

Don't get me wrong: I'm rooting for the Bears in the Super Bowl. I may be a lifelong Packer fan, but I did the math:
NFC Central "North" > other divisions
cold-weather outdoor teams > warm-weather outdoor teams > dome teams
omnivore-animal mascots > herbivore animal mascots

On the other hand, do the Monsters of the Midway have to cheat to win?

Bears Deny Placing Snow, Fog Machines On Dolphin Stadium Sidelines
MIAMI—The owners, coaching staff, and equipment managers of the Chicago Bears continue to vehemently deny ownership of the 12 commercial-grade snowmaking machines and six fog generators that somehow appeared on the sidelines of Dolphin Stadium late Tuesday. "I have never seen these machines before, nor has the Chicago Bears organization ever needed to use such things in the course of football operations, as our home stadium is usually well-supplied with both snow and fog," barely discernible Bears head coach Lovie Smith said while standing hip-deep in a snowdrift during his Wednesday-night press conference. "The point is they're here now and we'll just have to learn to live with it—football players, journalists, and prissy indoor-team members alike." Coach Smith went on to say that he would file a formal protest with the league to remove the domed roof that mysteriously appeared on the top of Dolphin Stadium Wednesday morning.
The Colts are only going to score in the big game when, on the first play from scrimmage, Dwight Freeney sacks Rex Grossman in the end zone. Soon afterward, Brian Urlacher will end an 88-yard Colts drive when he successfully interprets Payton Manning's epileptic line-of-scrimmage gesturing and blitzes the Colts QB. As he closes on the lead-footed Manning, Urlacher will bite off the QB's right hand, scoop up the ensuing fumble, and run the ball the other way for a touchdown. Along the way, Urlacher will elude Marvin Harrison's pursuit by delivering a devastating stiff-arm that breaks Harrison's neck. Talk about a momentum change!