Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Biblical History x (Natural History + Human History) = Crazy

Russell Seitz, a science blogger with too much time on his hands (see my recent post on his attempt to determine the weight of the internet), has mashed up Biblical chronology with actual natural and human history. Working from Bishop Ussher's infamous dating of the creation of the Earth to 4004 B.C., the results are wonderful:

* 1024 B.C.: Goliath stepped on by irate Barosaurus; David takes credit.

* 794 B.C.: Jonah swallowed by Carcharas megalodon.

* 564 B.C.: Pythagoras publishes Air-Earth-Fire-Water phase diagram.

* 454 B.C.: Marble deposits form in Greece; Parthenon erected.

* A.D. 31: Miracle of the Loaves and Ichthyosaurs.

* A.D. 70: Paul, formerly Saul the Tarsier, develops opposable thumb and writes Epistle to the Cephalopods.

* A.D. 344: Attila the Hun retreats after Romans breach Gibraltar escarpment, flooding the Mediterranean Desert.

* A.D. 494: Snakes evolve and are driven out of Ireland.

* A.D. 974: Leif the Unlucky is lost with all hands when his dragon ship is spotted by an amorous Kronosaurus.

* A.D. 1066: William the Conqueror invades England by walking through northern France.

With this information in hand, I'm going to have to totally revise my history of technology course.

Via Pharyngula.